What have you done today communications wise? It is likely that your initial response will be related to technology. You’ve sent a number of emails. You’ve texted. You’ve browsed. You’ve updated your Facebook status, Snapchat, Twitter, Tinder, LinkedIn profile or Instagram pics. However, is this really communicating? Saying is not the same as engaging I’m sure you will agree.

Do we find love through technology?

In a world where even Hollywood is showcasing our relationships with technology are we becoming increasingly disconnected with each other on a ‘true’ social level? In the movie ‘Her’ actor Joachim Phoenix plays a lonely writer who reaches out to Samantha, his intelligent operating system (Scarlett Johansson). ‘I wish I could put my arms around you’ he laments. But he can’t. Siri & Me: a Modern Love story sees a similar human/technology relationship ignite as the author replaces his rudimentary relationships with living humans.

Who are our real friends?

There is evidence to suggest we are lonelier than ever. Statistics show that while we have an average of 303 Facebook friends, 1 in 4 of us feels we have no-one to confide in. As technology becomes the panacea to all problems: health, wellbeing and success we turn to it once more to solve our loneliness challenges. Sherry Turkle in her book ‘Alone, Together’ suggests technology appeals to us most when we are most vulnerable. People and social skills are actually very difficult. Technology provides us with seemingly simple solutions to feeling alone.

Why take the difficult and unpredictable path of real and physical human relationships when you can control and edit what you feel and what you think and share it via social media with your many hundreds of ‘friends’?  In this device-distracted world why look inwards, when you can share outwards? As Turkle points out: ‘I share, therefore I am.’ In the internet age we wander in virtual networks but are leading ‘hurried lives’. We are not engaging in human face-to-face contact and run the risk of losing basic social skills.

Belonging creates happiness

There is proven research that loneliness and social isolation can have a dramatic impact on our health and wellbeing. It can cause stress and anxiety, increase blood pressure and lead to cardiovascular problems. That’s pretty scary.

However, it’s not all doom and gloom. There is further research suggesting technology can actually bring us together. Research amongst first year students showed their Facebook use helped with feelings of loneliness. Online gaming communities have a close-knit circle, which helps them engage socially in diverse ways outside of this group.

So, the jury is still out on the impact of technology on our loneliness. But irrespective of speculation, we must consider that true, face-to-face contact remains the single most effective medium to helping us connect and feel a sense of human belonging with community participation proven to enhance wellbeing and happiness.

With that in mind, here are three very simple ways to reach out and build some ‘true’ social love:

1. Go out

As Woody Allen once said: 80% of success is showing up. If you are feeling socially isolated in work or at play the single, best thing to do about it ahead of any others is to actually get out there. Only by venturing forth and making connections with those around you: family, friends, peers, work colleagues will you recognize the power of true social love. You will be amazed at the infrastructure of opportunities out there to encourage you to meet up. Ironically you can use technology to help you manage this process but it has to start with you.

2. Time out

A wise old lady once said to me that children spell ‘love’ like this: T.I.M.E. By making time for your friends and family you will be surprised at the reciprocal love and connection you will receive. We all have busy lives. We are tired. The weekends are for tuning out. However, make the effort and spend some quality time every week hanging around with other human beings who you care for and vice versa. You might be thinking this is obvious but it’s lunchtime as I write this and I have spoken to only one other human being so far since I left home today. It’s quite easy to focus on work, which is becoming increasingly insular, and forget the energizing and uplifting experience of a laugh by the coffee machine.

3. Help out

If your peer group is limited or you find it difficult and challenging to engage in social activities then discover a purpose. Once again ironically technology can help you out. Use Google to find something you are interested in and then figure out a way of helping those in that community. It could be a joint project for a charity; it could be a book group or sports community. It could frankly be anything – whatever suits you. It will force you to engage with this like-minded community on a regular basis and will lead to the forging of new relationships and connections alongside a new-found social routine.

So, these are just three examples of very simple changes you can make to find ‘true’ social love.

When I was a kid there was a TV-show called Why Don’t You (switch off the TV and go out and do something less boring instead?) Today, it’s get offline and go and give someone a hug. Good luck!