When my parents met in sixties England my mother was a Milliner. They would make adventurous visits to London with little of the money of today and all of the spontaneity of yesterday. They would soak up the atmosphere of that time and spot my Mum’s own creations in the boutique hat stores of Carnaby Street and at Harrods. More recently my younger cousin asked them how they ever arranged to meet for a date without a mobile phone. The answer was – and still is – very simple: arrange a time, a place and be there. In other words having good interpersonal skills.

‘Fashion is a kind of communication. It’s a language without words. A great hat speaks for itself’. Anon.

Why good interpersonal skills matter

Making a promise and keeping it. This is language without words. This form of ‘old school’ behavior is mitigated in today’s smartphone driven world. By being connected 24/7 we can ‘adjust’ the promise according to our busy schedules: ‘Be there in 10’; ‘Can we reschedule?’ ‘sry, cnt mk it’ etc. If we fail to keep a promise – however small – it communicates to the other person that we don’t value them. It says we have chosen something else ahead of our commitment. It might only be a ‘micro-promise’ but it’s still a promise. Breaking it can erode trust and trust is essential in all human relationships.

On a personal level it’s sometimes seen as bad manners. In business terms the reality is cost as well as relationship based. A US survey reveals that 16% of workers are late for work once a week at least. The figure climbs to 27% for late arrivals once a month and the boss is the worst culprit of all. American CEOs are late for meetings on average 8 out of 10 times. This tardiness, which in essence translates into broken promises, is costing business over $3bn per year.

It is actually relatively easy to keep promises and to practice good interpersonal skills. In a world where we are always 5 minutes behind ourselves and seem to be constantly chasing our tails think about the professional and personal stand out you can achieve by simply delivering! In doing so we are communicating: trust me. I mean it. I’ve got your back. It opens up a whole range of emotional connections with our fellow humans and will lead you to be seen as authoritative, credible, successful, well-organised and yes, you’ve got it: trustworthy. Here’s our snap guide to using good interpersonal skills to keep promises. Take five to read it but only if you’re not due elsewhere…

How practicing good interpersonal skills will help you keep your promises

1. Manage expectations

I can make it by 5pm. Why say it unless you can definitely deliver? Look at your schedule and be honest first with yourself. If the day is stacking up, then say 6pm. You rock up at 5.30 and are half an hour early instead of half an hour late. By communicating clearly on expectations you will be able to deliver on the time challenge. This is one of the promises broken most often, yet is one of the easiest to fix.

2. Build in some padding

With all the information at hand in the connected world it is always tempting to run our lives ‘to the margin’. We arrive at train stations and airports with only minutes to spare, courtesy of helpful apps. We increasingly use technology to ring every minute of productivity out of our lives. Get there early and use extra waiting moments as daily downtime where you can reflect on your day. It will make you more organized and less stressed – and you will deliver on your promises.

3. Keep communication open

This is probably the most important of all. A promise is in effect a contract. Two parties have agreed to do something: deliver to an agreed deadline, meet at an agreed time etc. If you can make sure you are crystal clear about the agreement, like a contract both parties will understand what is required of the other and no promises will be broken.

4. Promise yourself and make it happen

It’s late, I’m tired, and the deadline is tomorrow morning. I’ll ask for an extension, I’ll cancel the meeting. I’m no longer being productive. How often have you had this internal communication dialogue? Do everything in your power to deliver to the original deadline. Don’t persuade yourself to give in. Reflect on why it was up to the wire and learn for next time so you manage expectations (see point 1).

5. Start small

Getting back into the habit of keeping promises is like getting back into the gym. Start with the small moves and work up to the big ones. Evaluate how and why you communicate promises daily. Even those micro ones. Can you keep at least a few of those small promises today? How have you communicated the promise contract? Have you managed expectations? Have you been honest with yourself? By keeping the small ones people will see you as dependable. Then you can hit them with the big stuff for those winning trustworthy business and personal relationships.

So, remember while technology is your friend you need to couple it with a positive and driven attitude to deliver, come what may. To speak the language without words. To simply be there when you say you will. Good luck!